An unexpected knock on the door one night haunted me for many years to come. It came out of nowhere, no preparation, no warning. At the door were two police officers, one male and one female. They were sombre, their eyes ill concealing their own apprehension. Words cannot express the wave of foreboding that bubbled up within me - this was NOT good.
Not good is an understatement, it was devastating. News no family wish to receive.
My brother had been found dead and his body would need to be formally identified.
A small beacon of hope spread through me, maybe it was all a terrible mistake?
It wasn't a mistake. There was a post-mortem, an inquest which delayed the agony of the inevitable funeral. And only then could the long grieving process start and it was painful. Even more so for me personally, because before he had died, we'd fallen out and we hadn't been speaking. I tortured myself with guilt and regret. And it made it all so very much worse.
Years later, I decided to go down the personal transformation route - I had a boatload of 's**t that had to be addressed which was having a negative impact in many areas of my life. The personal development training was conditional on dealing with any previous personal emotional pain and trauma. And I had plenty of that!
It was an incredible relief to shed the layers of accumulated pain, even though the process was uncomfortable. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It has had so many benefits and has freed me from my emotional prison, opening me up to the so many wonderful life experiences I have had so far. I uncovered and met the 'real' me for the first time, ditching all the various versions of myself, embracing my uniqueness and authenticity. It is a continual work in process and I dedicate time for self-nurture every single day. I acknowledge, allow and accept triggers and emotions that show up from time to time to be the best me I can be.
Lessons that I've learned along the way?
- Only you can change how you feel
- Life is too short to fall out with loved ones
- Embrace life and say yes and figure the how out after
- Do the things you want to do, when you want to - why wait?
Choose laughter, peace, love, and experiences. Create wonderful memories, appreciating the fragility and beauty of life.
If any of this story resonates with you and you would like to have a chat - give me a call or text 07813 847205